Separation

The scream I heard while sitting at my desk caused my skin to crawl. I knew who it was, but I did not know why I heard the desperate, shrilling call. It was the morning after holiday break when all of our preschoolers were finding their way back to the once familiar classrooms they inhabited two weeks ago.

I soon heard the scream again but louder, much louder. There was a demanding tone that announced, “I don’t want to be here. I want to be with you. Don’t leave me. Take me with you.” Ah, now I understood, it was a five-year old struggling with separation anxiety. As I stared at my door and the hall where the cries came from, I instantly fell into a reverie that pulled me back to the time my mother brought me to Kindergarten on the first day of school. I did not want to be there . . . at all.

The next image that surfaced in my mind was me sitting in the back seat of my neighbor’s woody and my mother sitting in the passenger’s seat looking forward, mad — and I suppose embarrassed — and I am thinking, I feel safe now, but what’s going to happen when I get home?

While demonstrating my separation anxiety in the classroom, I became so distraught and adamant about not wanting to be there. I distinctly remember biting my mother on the leg, and the principal saying to my mother, “Mrs. Peters, you will have to take your son home.” As a child of loving parents and many days in nursery school, I have no idea why that happened back then.

Fortunately, my friend down the hall was comforted by her mother and she adjusted to her once-familiar surroundings; mother slinked away; and normalcy returned to the child, my skin, and getting back to my work . . . away from long-ago images. Obviously shaken by the whole ordeal, the child’s mother scurried past my door, but not before I could catch her and tell her the story of my own five-year old anxiety. Relieved, she said, “And I guess you turned out OK. Thanks for the reassurance.”

Who knows what causes children — and adults for that matter — to feel adrift, needing a lifeline at a particular moment in life. In this case, the mother did the right thing, using the guidance of the teacher, staying strong, and letting familiarity and caring teachers take over.

In Context

Helping a child understand the use and importance of contextual clues when reading has always been a fascination of mine. Knowing whether the word “wind” refers to what you do to a watch (old-fashioned, that is) or what keeps a kite aloft on a blustery spring day can only be understood by looking at the words around “wind.” For this concept of context a lesson presented itself when I least expected it . . .

. . . my office is situated on a hall that leads the two-year olds to the rooftop play area. Each day in the fall while I am at my desk, I wave to them as they sheepishly walk past, heads focused straight ahead, never venturing the thought of exchanging a wave. By December, one or two walk by, look in and timidly lift a hand in an attempt to acknowledge my flapping gestures.

Well, by February, the teachers cannot move them past my office because they all have to stop, wave vigorously, and say “Hi Dane.”

One day in the spring I was standing outside of my office and the twos were making their way back from their daily venture to the rooftop. I was excited; now I could be close by and exchange a happy hello instead of the behind-the-desk wave. Hovering close to the hall wall, anticipating my office, three children prepared themselves to crane their necks around the door jamb to offer their daily greeting when they looked up at me and quickly shied away as if to say, “Hey, who are you and what are doing here?” They wanted nothing to do with me. Then it dawned on me that I was out of context. I immediately said, “Oh. Wait a minute. I’ll fix this.” I ran to my desk and began waving. Without a hitch, their faces beamed, hands started flapping and the “Hi Danes” took over as if I were always there.

By the way, it isn’t only children that need contextual clues. Last weekend, my wife and I were at the green grocer and a parent gave a hearty “Hello Dane.” I smiled and wondered who that was. A minute later, when it was too late, I realized that it was a parent . . . but without his child and not walking through the front door of the school. Like the twos, I, too, needed contextual clues.

Children Concentrating

Children need ample time to create, think, and work. Compressing a child’s work time to fit our busy schedules can be frustrating for the child and ultimately counterproductive.

A while ago, I sat in amazement as I watched two-year olds “perform” during an admission intake for our Twos Program. Essentially, six children are set free in the classroom and encouraged by their parents or a teacher to engage in an activity. A book, a ball, a bunny, a sink, or a marker can catch their fancy.

On this special morning, I had the occasion to watch Kari do her thing. With much concentration and determination she was engrossed in an individual activity. A basket with four-inch round head screws and a six-inch tall jar that is used for sprinkling parmesan cheese is all this child – mind you, a two-year old child - needed for her half-hour activity. Once the teacher demonstrated how you place a screw in the hole, the child was off and running.

Maybe it is the feeling of accomplishment, or maybe it is the sound the threads the screw makes when it is inserted into the hole of the metal cap. Whatever it is, children need time to explore, create, and discover their world. Dr. Montessori stressed the uninterrupted work cycle so that children can become engaged in the work – engaged in a way that allows them to concentrate and discover at their own pace.

Weighty Words

The last time I read to our middle school students, I first wanted to have an exchange with them on new words and how they make it into their lexicon. I asked them to tell me some of the newest words that they have heard and with some hesitation one student said, “hoodie,” then another said, “rap [music].” I replied, “That’s the idea.”

I then read from the book A Century of New Words that describes the evolution of words decade by decade throughout the 20th Century. For example, the advent of aviation spawned hundreds of words that never existed before the Wright brothers made their amazing discovery.

Finally, I read from a book that I presented to each graduate at graduation. The Weighty Word Book by Levitt, Burger, and Guralnick presents an alphabet of SAT-type words with a unique story attached to each to help the reader remember its meaning. From among “coruscate,” “ingratiate,” “ubiquitous,” and others, I chose to read the story for “quixotic.”  

My hope is that the next time they hear the word "quixotic," they will remember its definition along with the other words that are defined through a story.

Random Acts of Love

As I stand at the school doors each day, welcoming children — including younger not-yet-ready-for–school siblings — parents, teachers, dogs, staff, bus matrons, and others, I see so much that is taking place in the street and on the sidewalk. Passersby making their way to the subway, pedestrians walking to their jobs, honking horns, buses and parents in cars dropping off children, loud street sweepers, squeeling sanitation truck brakes, and fancy cars with jacked music all pass in front of me.

From about 50 yards away, I try to get a bead on people who I know will be entering the school — you know, those who turn at the corner or those walking the long stretch of sidewalk from the F Train station that is beyond my sight. Seeing folks before they reach the doors gives me a chance to access names for a friendly good morning greeting.

Some people arrive in strollers, on bicycles, scooters, or skateboards, buses, and cars. All it takes is one parent trying to phenagle a stroller through the front doors or a child who insists on riding his bike up to the school, through the doors, and into the stroller room to cause a traffic jam that backs everybody up in front inviting conversation and warm exchanges.

The other morning, I noticed three-year old Sam with his mother and father approaching the school. I could tell that Dad was about to break away to make his way to work, and as he leaned over to give Sam a kiss, Sam exclaimed, “Family hug. Come on, family hug.” Whereupon, Sam lifted his arms, and Mom and Dad encircled their arms so that they could experience a family hug. Upon releasing each other, Sam grabbed his mother’s hand, Dad turned to walk away, and Sam and Mom walked to the doors. I said to Mom as she approached to walk through the doors, “Love the family hugs! Could you see me after you drop Sam off in his classroom?”

When she returned, I let her know how much I enjoyed their family hug and how it reminded me of what my wife and I would do for our sons as they were growing up. We would hold “Son Appreciation Days” when they were in grade school and high school. We didn’t do it often, but randomly my wife and I would conspire to buy a present for each; prepare one of their favorite meals; and hang a “Son Appreciation Day Banner” by the dinner table. When they came home from school, we would say “Surprise,” and gather for dinner. There was always a part reserved for letting them know how much we appreciated how hard they work and how much we loved them. After dessert we opened presents and went on to our usual evening routines.

I believe it is those random acts of love that are the most meaningful in our lives.

If you have experienced a special RAL, share it in a comment to this post.

Stand by Me Around the World

Take five minutes to click on this beautiful video that is the best rendition of the song "Stand by Me."  Playing For Change: Song Around the World "Stand By Me"   

In case you want to listen to the original version by Ben E. King, click on this YouTube link.  You will also catch a few scenes from the popular 1986 movie.

The Almost 7th Grader

If you are not in the classroom with them on a daily basis and really want to get to know what makes eleven- and twelve-year olds tick, then spend three days and two nights with them on a field trip. That’s what I did last week. Two teachers and I took our spring 6th graders to Cape May, New Jersey for their annual year-end trip. I first noticed their unique characteristics as we traveled on the bus — oh so loud, but interspersed with dead silence once iPods kicked in. I love to see two students sharing one headset — one ear bud each — plugged into one iPod, rocking their bodies from side to side in sync with whatever tune they are listening to.

Upon arrival, they all squeal from the bus in a burst of energy; they can’t wait to find out room assignments (you don’t share these with them until the very last minute) and get to their rooms. I love watching the boys unpack. It’s pretty simple. They unzip their bags and the contents explode onto the floor . . . where it stays for the remainder of the trip.

This is the age where boys and girls are figuring out how to break away from their parents and who they are going to be when they grow up; also, they kind of tolerate each other, sometimes talking with one another but usually roaming in packs of the same sex. There are usually one or two girls and one or two boys who cross boundaries and socialize with one another, but for the most part, they abide by a code that says you stick to your gender, we’ll stick to ours. Yet, yet, when it comes to gift shops, boys and girls love to shop and kibitz, looking for gifts to bring home to sibs and parents.

Often I found that the boys run and play while the girls talk, talk, and talk. There are those girls who do run with the boys and those boys who will sit and talk with the girls. It’s all plutonic with each gender trying to figure out the other because their gender-alike peers are asking questions prompted by “American Idol,” “Twilight,” and gobs of media.

How they love to eat. Girl or boy, vast amounts of food are consumed at one sitting . . . if they like the food. Make-your-own tacos, then watch out. Chicken chow mien, then lots of leftovers. Before the evening DVD, “Wall-E,” and donned in jammies, we treated ourselves to homemade sundaes. The dining hall had a conspicuously large tub of peanut butter on the counter, and I mentioned that I love a dollop of peanut butter on my ice cream. Well, you would have thought it was the neatest, coolest idea, eating “raw” peanut butter. I know I’ll have to deny charges of this instigation to parents when we return to school.

We spent hours on the beach exploring shells, dead seaweed, Cape May diamonds, birds that aren’t pigeons, and marine vegetation. There is a common characteristic with the almost 7th grader — girl or boy — an unquenchable interest in nature and what is going on in the world around them. Soon, this will turn around and our fully consumed adolescent will be engulfed in themselves and the idea that the world is only viewing them. So, enjoying their minimal mood swings is a big plus.

Heading home, inevitably, a majority of girls and boys start singing in unison a popular song. Turning my head (I always sit in the front of the bus. They need their bus-riding privacy . . . and I guess I need mine.), I love to see their smiling faces as they sing, sharing a common appreciation that makes them more like sisters and brothers than like classmates.

Famous Graduation Speech

With graduations upon us, I am remembering "Wear Sunscreen."  If you have not been introduced to it, read below.

Written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune in 1997, "Wear Sunscreen" is urban legend for graduation speeches, and Baz Luhrmann produced a song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)."  Listen to the Takeaway's  "Pomp In These Circumstances: 'Wear Sunscreen' and Other Advice for Grads,"  John Hockenberry's interview with Mary Schmich on her graduation advice is excellent. 

Life Cycles

The other day I was talking with a school parent and his mother in the school lobby at drop-off, and our conversation included the joy of grandparenting, what it means to raise your own children, and watch their children grow up.  

The parent said, "Raising Children reminds me of the book, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein" to which I replied, "I certainly know Silverstein's writing but I haven't heard of that book." 

 The next day, the parent dropped off a copy of the book and I immediately read it.  Whew!  Beautiful.  Instantly I knew what the grandmother was saying the day before.  As I read the Giving Tree, I thought of another book, Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.  

Listen to The Giving Tree and Love You Forever, and if you haven't read either story, I think you will get a vivid understanding of  life cycles.

Outta Context

It was Saturday and I had to pick up tea and frozen breaded eggplant at the local Trader Joe’s store. I was by myself when I entered the store, looking to see if there was a long line at the register. I immediately noticed a five-year old child with a shopping cart between him and me. His hands were curled over the push bar that just covered his eyes. Almost bumping into his carriage, I pretended I was surprised and said, “Hi, Charlie.”

His startled response was “Dane, what are you doing here?”

I said, “I have some shopping to do.”

With a quizzical look, he stated, “But you’re not supposed to be here.”

Charlie’s mother and I looked at each other, smiled, and immediately knew that I was out of context for Charlie’s world.

At a minimum, Charlie and I see each other when he enters the school door each day and as head of school, I welcome him and his classmates. They say "Hi." and that works perfectly for them . . . when I am in school.

Do you have any anecdotes about children seeing events out of context?

Poem in Your Pocket

At a recent first through eighth grade morning assembly, the theme was Poem in Your Pocket. Students brought a poem in their pocket to share with teachers and students. 

To begin the assembly, students were asked "Why do you like poetry?"

Here are some of their responses:
• They express feelings.
• Some poems speak to you; they move you.
• Poems are like little stories.
• They are calming.
• They make you feel different.
• They help you focus.
• They make you laugh, or they make you sad.
• Students said they like poems about animals, nature, and peace.
• Poems that rhyme and ones that are fun and silly are best.

Then students were asked if they had a favorite poem they would like to share with the group. Some students walked to the front of the assembly and recited from memory, some chose to read sitting down in place, while others stood at the front of the room and read with feeling. One student stood in place, reached into her pocket, carefully unfolded a piece of paper, and read her poem. It was one of my favorites. See what you think.

The Key of the Kingdom
This is the key of the Kingdom:
In that Kingdom is a city;
In that city is a town;
In that town is a street;
In that street there winds a lane;
In that lane there is a yard;
In that yard there is a house;
In that house there waits a room;
In that room an empty bed,
And on that bed a basket -
A basket of sweet flowers
Of flowers, of flowers;
A basket of sweet flowers.

Flowers in a basket;
Basket on the bed;
Bed in the room;
Room in the house;
House in the yard;
Yard in the winding lane;
Lane in the street;
Street in the town;
Town in the city;
City in the Kingdom -
This is the key of the Kingdom.
Of the Kingdom this is the key.

(Anonymous)

The Oxford Treasury of Children's Poems (Oxford University Press, 1988)

Child Creativity

When I was in the 2-year olds' classroom the other day, I noticed the easel at which the children paint beautiful paintings. Instantly, a memorable tune slid into my mind. Flowers are Red by Harry Chapin is a prophetic song that gives careful advice to teachers and parents on how to nurture - not stifle - creativity in children.

Sir Ken Robinson's TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) Talk "Do Schools Kill Creativity?" is also an excellent lesson on how careful we have to be when it comes to providing a supportive environment for right-brained thinkers to express their creativity. This clip is entertaining as well as enlightening.

Play v. Work . . . both can be enjoyable

When I read Peggy Orenstein's article "Kindergrten Cram" about homework for five-year olds and looked at the amount of time schools are devoting to academic work and free play, I was taken aback.  Note the diagram to the right, which was presented as part of her article.

In my own life and in the life of children in a Montessori setting, I see work and play as one in the same.  Children are forever learning through discovery.  If you have ever witnessed a Montessori preschool class which is made up of 3-, 4-, and 5-year olds, you would see children engaged in their work . . . as if they were at play, creating, chatting, and moving about busily constructing words and sentences, or manipulating numbers, or learning practical life skills, or . . .  Often I walk into a classroom and I think, isn't this wonderful, children busily engaged in their work that they are enjoying.

Confident Children With a Realistic Sense of Self

Participating in the many admission interviews throughout the month of January, I am not surprised by the number of prospective families that comment on how invested, calm, and reassured our teachers are with the children. My response is often quick and passionate: "It is due to our Montessori heritage and philosophy, our school’s mission, and our families’ commitment to their children and to this kind of education."  These all feed on each other and make for an environment that fosters and nurtures confident, self-assured children.

Our parents who truly believe in a Montessori education tend to be confident in knowing what they want for their children’s education. At the same time, I want our parents to have the comfort and ability to examine their choice, so I find myself letting parents know how important it is for them to feel welcomed at school. The activity and chatter that go on in the lobby during drop-off and pick-up offer a forum for parents and teachers to compare notes and establish long-lasting friendships for their children and themselves. I often see parents who demonstrate their trust and confidence in BHMS by letting go of their children when it is time for them to transition to the next plane of development. The importance of this letting-go cannot be overstated. In an article in Psychology Today, “A Nation of Wimps” author Hara Estroff Marano states that Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown unequivocally that what creates anxious children is parents hovering and protecting them from stressful experiences.

Along the way, children have to be allowed to stand on their own, taking small steps to meet and understand their immediate world and, sometimes, failure. I believe that these are the steps that help them to achieve a realistic sense of self. In a nurturing home and in a supportive school, children can take chances — sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing, unconsciously measuring what they can accomplish and what they cannot. A constant barrage from parents, teachers, and coaches of “you’re the best,” or “that wasn’t your fault,” or “they weren’t fair” only confuse and give the child false hope. The Montessori environment is designed to provide enough structure within which the child can explore and discover on her/his own, reflecting when things get challenging or confusing, moving forward when they are easy, and asking the teacher for help when uncertain which path to take.

It is always about the child developing at her/his pace — sometimes slower and sometimes faster than the next child. Children thrive in an environment that allows them to measure their progress against themselves rather than against other children. Our teachers are sensitive to this aspect of a child’s development and growth.

Years of this kind of education in a positive environment produce children who move on to the next level — and eventually on to secondary school and college — confident with a realistic sense of self.

Leading With Kindness

I was first drawn to the book Leading With Kindness because of the title and the author William Baker, who spent 20 years as president of WNET public television. I have always thought that “leading” and “kindness” are not mutually exclusive but necessary characteristics in serving students, teachers, and parents.

Chapters include:
What Kind Leaders Do
Who Kind Leaders Are
Expectations Matter
The Truth Matters
Growth Matters
Preparing the Next Generation of Leaders

Sensitive and direct, the book keeps the reader focused on what matters in leadership. Authors Baker and O'Malley convincingly talk about being an effective leader using kindness and establishing credibility. DWYSYWD: Do What You Say You Will Do is a credo cited for introducing three requirements for credibility: have 1) a history of follow-through, 2) expertise, and 3) trust.

I am convinced that leading with kindness is the way to go.

Parallel Play

I love to watch children engaged in parallel play — that play where children are individually engrossed in a book or puzzle, side by side with other children.

My office is set up in a way to invite children in to engage in play and exploration from using a life-like beaver as a doorstop to a bookcase modified to hold books, colorful nested dolls, puzzles, ninja ladder, and blocks. Children love to explore unusual items and the challenge of manipulative materials.

Because my office is adjacent to the lobby, I often have young visitors when their parents are having a conversation and they are looking for something to do instead of waiting nearby.

The best observed parallel play, though, is when two children will come into my office — no permission is necessary — grab a book or item, sit on the floor, and begin playing, and often they pick up where they left off the last time they were in my office. And, I am at my desk, working at my computer engaged in my own play — aka work. Periodically, I will look out of the corner of my eye to see how my friends are playing parallelly.

Leadership for Change

Devoted to leadership for change, the spring issue of Independent School magazine has many excellent articles, but there is one that I would draw parents' and teachers' attention to.  It is available online, written by Dr. Michael Thompson, and entitled "Too Much Information: How Much Should Parents Know About Their Child?"  Do take a minute to read this important piece.

Online Learning May Be Closer Than We Think

In a recent discussion with members of our state association professional development committee, much time was spent discussing the future of technology in our schools, most specifically the discussion centered on online learning.

Disrupting Class, Clayton Christensen's book, devotes quite a few pages to online learning.  A friend passed on to me reporter Tamar Lewin's article "Israeli Entrepreneur Plans a Free Global University That Will Be Online Only."  Also, check out the Independent School Educators Network website.

Finally, I pass on this one minute video to my readers, not as an endorsement of Kaplan University but as a window into a path education may be taking sooner than we think.  You might want to watch it a few times to take in the various avenues used for online teaching.

Well Written

While reading the Sunday paper, my eye was attracted to the headline "Always, the Crack of the Bat" and accompanying photograph of a pitcher and batter at the ready.  As I read the article, it occurred to me that this was well written—especially well written.  Once I glanced at the byline, it made good sense to me why the piece was so well written.

The writer William Zinsser, for me, is the writer's coach on how to write clearly with simplicity.   His seminal book On Writing Well is popular among writers.  Having sold over 1.5 million copies, the book is a must-read.  "Paper Cuts a Blog About Books" talks about Zinsser and his book.  

Child Honesty

I remember the date and the day vividly. It was Wednesday, October 29 at about 1:15 p.m. and I was standing on the rooftop play area watching our Lower Elementary (grades 1, 2, and 3) children run and play during their recess time. One of the highlights of my week is the fact that I get to spend time with children in an unstructured time and spell a teacher who might otherwise have the duty.

On this chilly but sunny day, I was stationed at my usual post where the fence that protects the rooftop heating and cooling equipment forms a corner. To my left is the geo-climbing structure where you can always find a child hanging upside down talking to a friend who is sitting underneath on the deck nearly nose to nose. And, to my right is a runway in front of the large playscape where children race around, chasing each other in an endless game of tag. I love watching how the children engage with one another — sometimes parallel play, boys often wrestling one another to the ground, girls forever doing cartwheels, and others chat in serious conversations. For teachers, child play is a beautiful thing to watch.

While minding my own business and glancing at the city rooftops thinking about what I had to do once I returned to my office, Lucy, a first grader, stood in front of me and said, “Dane?” I looked at her with a smile and replied, “Hey, Lucy.” Having my full attention, Lucy asked, “What are you going to be for Halloween?”

She caught me a bit off guard, but I furrowed my brow, projected a pensive look, thought for the better part of 20 seconds, and said, “Ah, I, I guess a clown.” Without skipping a beat, Lucy thoughtfully replied, “You look like a clown.”

I stammered with appreciation, "Thhh annnk ew, Lucy." She turned and engaged another friend with the same Halloween question.

Was it my nose? Was it my smile? No, it had to be my bow tie. I know she was serious in her response, which was totally without disrespect. I believe it was her way to say that I would be a good clown to trick or treat, and her honesty was priceless.

The Rotunda

Recently, I had the occasion to visit the University of Virginia and was struck by the campus, particularly Thomas Jefferson's design of the Academical Village.

The brochure I picked up and read stated that the architectural layout is based on the Jeffersonian principle that learning is a lifelong and shared process, and that interaction between faculty and students is vital to the pursuit of knowledge.

I couldn't agree more with the principle that learning is a lifelong and shared process.

The long, stately lawn is surrounded by ten Pavilions which house the faculty and has as the focal point The Rotunda.   This 18 second video will give you a quick tour of the lawn and Rotunda.

Deborah Roffman on Human Sexuality

This evening parents and teachers had the pleasure of spending an evening with nationally renowned Deborah Roffman.  She has the perfect balance of perspective, love, and good parenting sense and has a wonderful way of sharing her many years of knowledge and experience.  She is a must-speaker for your parents and teachers.  You won't be sorry.

"If 30 years of experience in this field has taught me one thing, it is that when talking with our children about sex, we need to make sure that we educate rather than dictate and that our approach is based on scientific evidence. Only then can we hope to arm young people against the escalating social and cultural pressures they face."

Here is a sample of her work.
They'll Abstain If They're Given Good Reasons

You might want to check out both of her books: Sex and Sensibility and but how'd I get in there in the first place?

Teacher v. Bus Driver

During my college years in 1968 I made a five-year commitment to the Marine Corps. Once I completed my undergraduate work in elementary education in 1970, I accepted an officer’s commission and waited to begin serving on active duty. So, it was the time between finishing college and waiting for my active duty to begin that I got my first opportunity to teach.

I was living with my parents, looking for work when I was called by the local bus company to drive a school bus (I drove buses during college to earn spending money). As a part-time driver, I was assigned a morning and afternoon route, picking up and discharging kids. I enjoyed the interaction with kids, especially listening to their jabbering behind me while I drove.

A month passed and I received my report date for the Marines, which gave me another two months to keep working. Out of the blue, the local school district called and asked if I would be interested in substitute teaching at the local junior high school. Excited to keep my teaching going, I said, “Absolutely.” I donned my tie and jacket and early the next morning I reported to the principal’s office.

I was assigned to an eighth grade homeroom where I would teach social studies. A little nervous and anxious, I couldn’t wait to have my charges in front of me asking questions and looking to me for all of the answers. Standing behind my desk, the first student walked into the room, looked at me in a perplexed way, raised his eyebrows and did an about face and quickly departed. I could hear his voice loud and clear shouting down the hall, “Hey, you’ll never believe it, we got the bus driver for a substitute!”

Three Cups of Tea X 2

After selling 1.2 million copies of his NYTimes Bestseller, author Greg Mortenson adapted Three Cups of Tea (see my July 16, 2008 post) to children and young readers.  Listen to the Wind is a beautiful picture book punctuated with Susan Roth's collage pictures.  Three Cups of Tea - The Young Reader's Edition brings the bestselling book to young adult readers.

Read the NYTimes Review for both books.

Children Saying Hello

One of the characteristics of my school that endeared me from the beginning was the fact that children and students refer to the adults in our school community by their first names. The first time I heard, “Hi Dane” from a three-year old, I immediately felt that this is exactly the way a school should be and how children and teachers should interact — casual, friendly, and respectful. It has been my experience over the years that schools believe you cannot have casual and friendly relationships and yet maintain respect between children and adults. Now, in my seventh year at BHMS, I am convinced that it does work, from two-year olds through middle school students.

Something extremely important to parents is having their child say hello when a familiar adult approaches or is passed on the street. I know I beamed with pride when my own sons performed in such a way when they were young . . . actually, that’s how I feel even today. I’ve noticed how parents are concerned that their children say hello as I greet them in the morning at the front door. Here are some observations:

• Children will begin the greeting ritual when they are ready, and just because they don’t do it today does not mean that they won’t do it tomorrow.
• Sometimes it starts with simple eye contact, a hand wave, or not having Mom or Dad walk inadvertently between the child and the greeter.
• Children get shy whenever they are in an unfamiliar situation or with someone they do not know, especially if that someone is drawing attention to them and encouraging them to interact.
• The best way for your child to learn how to respond when someone says hello is through good adult role modeling.

I love to watch kids over a period of months when they don’t say hello or look me in the eye as they pass by, then all of a sudden, without prompting, they begin by saying, “Hi.” Then a few days later, it evolves into a, “Hi” and a cute, impish smile. Then time passes and they say “Hi, Dane” and offer the look in the eye with a beautiful ear-to-ear grin. You immediately sense the pride of the parent . . . all in good time.

Keep in mind that there are times when younger children actually hide behind a parent leg or even cover their faces as they walk past. Much like the middle school student, some children go through periods of growth when they become extremely self-conscious of themselves, especially around adults.

The other day as a parent and strollered child approached me, the child was looking into her lap, and Mom said to her child, Lisa, “Say Hi, Lisa.” And the child responded immediately with, “Hi Lisa.” As I chuckled, I winked at Lisa’s Mom and she rolled her eyes, disappointed but thinking, hey, she’s pretty clever.

So the next time you are looking to your child to perform a friendly hello to another person, you may not get it from her/him right away, but so long as you model the behavior with your peers and friends, I am convinced that your child will follow through in good time.

My Middle School Manual

You know them.

We all do.

They are the ones we hear in a much too near booth at the fast food restaurant, talking, laughing, eating so loudly they complicate our digestion.  They are the ones who cause us to hurry to new seats in a movie theater just as the theater goes dark.  They are the ones we brake for as they skateboard past us down a steep hill and through a busy traffic intersection.  They are the ones playing comfortably with toy cars at one moment and dreaming of real ones at the next.  They are the ones most shocking to us as they try out the extremes of fashion.  They are middle schoolers.  

So opens The Middle School Handbook Second Edition by Harry Finks and Mark Stanek - a revision of the original 1990 handbook that guided me in my work as a middle school educator.  It often provided me the much-needed global credibility as I guided, supported, and encouraged middle school students and their parents.  

Here are some of the topics discussed in the book:

• What Grades Belong in Middle School?
  
• Gender Issues
  
• Competition
  
• Middle School Educators' Principles of Good Practice
  
• Middle School Parent
  
• The Digital Age
  
• Transitions To and From Middle School
  

Middle School Notes

An educator friend wrote me this week and asked

"If you had parents in your office with a pre-teen son (4th grade) who was showing signs developing more rapidly than his peers into the teen years (hormones, growth spurt, disengaging from the learning process, overall apathy, etc.) and they asked if you could recommend a book/article that might help them understand what their son was going through, what would your response be?"

Here was my immediate response:

I read excerpts from a NYTimes Magazine article HOW TO; Be Popular by Deirdre Dolan to my middle school students every other year. It is insightful and paints the middle years well with a bottom line of "kids really do know what is good."

Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence by Laura Sessions Stepp Even if you don't read the entire book, go to your local bookstore, take it off the shelf, and read the introduction; it is excellent.

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated by Anthony E. Wolf. This is a classic. I remember having the author speak to my middle school parents and hitting a home run with them.

The Middle School Handbook from the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) is one of the best books about the middle school child. In it's second edition, authors Harry Finks and Mark Stanek detail all there is to know — well, almost all — about understanding these most tumultuous years in a human's life. For more information on this book, see my next post.

How We Are Smart

Following in the path of Dr. Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences, "How We Are Smart" looks at prominent, diverse people to help children appreciate the idea that there are eight ways to be smart:

Body Smart

Logic Smart

Music Smart

Nature Smart

People Smart

Picture Smart

Self Smart

Word Smart

Developed by Dr. Gardner and popularized by psychologist and educator, Dr.  Thomas Armstrong, multiple intelligences advance the notion that everyone is smart in his or her own way.  The book is perfect for introducing children to intelligences other than the traditional verbal and quantitative measurements.

MTA versus CTA

The New York Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) oversees the subway system in New York City where I use the underground trains often and religiously refill my MetroCard, swipe it at the turnstile, and go on my merry way.

On a trip to Chicago, I decided to forego the convenient taxi ride from O'Hare Airport to downtown Chicago and navigate the Chicago Transit Authority's (CTA) subway system. I wanted to see what the Windy City's rails were like.

When I descended into the station, I asked a nearby CTA worker where I would find the "L Train." She rolled her eyes and said, "They're all 'L' Trains." I subsequently learned that "L" stands for "Elevated Train." Humph, the MTA subway has 16 lettered lines from A to Z, including an "L" train.

Upon approaching the fare dispenser, I read it carefully, trying to take in the instructions. After ascertaining that the cost was 25¢ over the $2.00 NYC fare, I inserted a $20 bill, pressed the requisite buttons, and pinched out my brand new CTA card. With the line behind me growing, I became anxious when my change did not spill forth. Seeing that same CTA worker, I asked why no change. In the boldest - and obnoxious, I might add - way possible, she pointed her gloved finger at the middle of the machine right where it said, "This Machine Does Not Give Change." Grrr. My subway experiment cost me twenty bucks.

This story has a happy ending, though. The man standing behind me in line handed me a twenty, plucked my CTA card from my fingers and said, "Get change and start over again. I can use your card." All smiles, I said, "Thank you, thank you" and asked my CTA worker-friend to point me in the right direction of a change machine.

What Teachers Make?

At the NAIS Annual Conference, President Pat Bassett introduced the 3,000 assembled to "What Teachers Make" by reading Taylor Mali's poem. You might want to click to Mali's website to learn more about this poet.

What Teachers Make
by Taylor Mali

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.
Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.
"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"
And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.
You want to know what I make?
I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.
I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.
I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.
You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).
Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

Click here to hear Mali recite "What Teachers Make."